When it comes to infidelity, couples may have different opinions about what’s acceptable and what’s not—but there’s usually one thing both people can agree on: Both want the affair to end, and they want to end it together. If you’re wondering how to talk to your cheating partner without arguing, you’ve come to the right place! These tips on talking to your cheating partner will help you approach the conversation in a way that won’t lead to further fighting and hurt feelings.
1) Approach The Conversation In Private
If you catch your partner in bed with someone else, make sure you talk about it in private. You don’t want their defense to be that you’re overreacting and embarrassing them in front of their lover. If you aren’t able to get a hold of them privately, do what you can to calm down and wait until they come home. Take some time alone with yourself after seeing your partner with another person to pull yourself together before confronting them. Don’t Say Anything That Will Hurt Them: This is one of those times when actions speak louder than words; anger will just cloud your judgment and cause you to say things that you’ll regret later. Try not to make any threats or accusatory statements like You dirty cheat! What did I ever do to deserve being cheated on?
2) Focus On Problem Solving
This is a huge mistake in almost every breakup. A lot of people feel like if they can just get their partner to understand that what they did was wrong, then maybe things will go back to normal. In reality, getting your partner or spouse to admit that you’re right and they were wrong is not going to help fix anything or make anyone happy. Don’t waste your time or energy trying to convince them that you are right – instead, focus on finding ways for both of you can be happy again! When it comes to cheating there isn’t any problem that cannot be solved. Take a moment to look at how you can solve each one: You aren’t compatible anymore - If things have changed since you first started dating, it might mean that now there are problems that should have been recognized before marriage or deciding to live together. Remember though, relationship problems do not equal infidelity issues!
3) Resist the Temptation To Beg For Forgiveness
The first thing you need to know about talking to your partner is that you shouldn’t do it when you’re angry. As soon as tempers start flaring, you can say something you’ll regret and make things much worse. If you must talk to your cheating partner, take a walk or calm down in some other way before trying again. Even if he says he wants to work on things, avoid saying anything else until you are calmer; if he asks why you aren’t speaking, tell him how much pain he has caused and that you don’t want to prolong his agony any longer. He may become hostile but just be firm; let him know that now is not a good time for conversation because of your upset state of mind.
4) Be Firm With Consequences
The primary goal when confronting a cheating partner is to get them back on track. If you want to do that, you need to be firm. In order for your cheater to know there are consequences for their actions, they need an ultimatum. Be clear with what you want from them and hold them accountable if they don’t adhere. Make sure they know you mean business. It won’t be easy but it can save your relationship in time! (Don't forget to show our infographic)
5) Acknowledge Their Feelings but Don’t Agree With Them
While your partner is probably feeling guilty, upset, and angry with themselves for cheating, it’s important that you don’t actually agree with them or validate their feelings. You should be honest about your own hurt or anger at being cheated on but avoid saying things like It’s okay, you didn’t know what you were doing. Instead say things like It hurts me that you did that, but I still love you.
6) Avoid Interrogation Questions
Questions like Where were you? or With who? or What were you doing? can easily turn into a he-said, she-said argument between you and your partner, making it hard for either of you to get anywhere. It’s much better to stick with neutral questions that encourage honest answers: How do you feel about what happened? Do you know how I feel about it? Can we talk about how we move forward? Try asking what or how questions rather than why ones, which will help keep things calm. If you need more help not exploding on your cheating partner, consider working with a therapist! (And if cheating is involved in your situation, here are some resources.)
7) Don’t Play Dumb Or Nice Guy/Girl
If your partner has been lying and cheating on you, they are clearly not committed to you. If they were, they wouldn’t be seeking out that affair. Don’t attempt a blame game—it doesn’t matter who did what or whose fault it is. It won’t change anything because either of you didn’t trust one another. Instead, explain how you want things to change in your relationship moving forward—and follow through on those changes!
8) Don’t Get Personal
No matter how tempting it is, do not bring up personal issues that relate to your partner’s affair. The only issue you should be discussing is why your partner cheated. Bringing up something like I could never cheat on you because I know how much you love me only angers them and makes them think about what they did as a mistake. Also, your partner doesn’t want to hear that they hurt you because they didn’t mean to. It might seem like common sense but keep in mind if your partner was able to cheat once, chances are they would again. It’s hard for any person to keep control of themselves when their libido gets involved with another individual so why put yourself in that position? Let your actions speak louder than words instead of fighting back in an emotional way. After all, we all want closure at some point no matter what we say or do to start over fresh with someone else!
You might also want to check out these;
10 Signs You're Dating a Cheater
10 ways to know if your partner is cheating
10 ways to find the right partner
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