When your partner has cheated on you, it can be difficult to trust them again. But this isn’t a relationship-ending event by any means; once you’ve been through the process of rebuilding trust in your relationship, you’ll see that having trust in your significant other makes the relationship much stronger and happier for both of you. Here are 10 ways to rebuild trust in your relationship after infidelity.
1) Cheating is not limited to physical cheating
it is also possible to cheat emotionally by lying or withholding important information from your partner. Rather than defining cheating as an act of physical intimacy, it’s better to think of it as any time you deliberately hide information from or make decisions without consulting your partner. The best way to rebuild trust and strengthen your relationship is by eliminating those activities—and that starts with honesty. At its core, honesty is about respect: respecting yourself enough not to lie and respect for your partner.
2) The relationship is more important than the affair
This is probably one of most important things you can do. If you are still angry and hurt by what your partner did, it’s probably time to step back and think about whether or not their needs should come before yours. You may have to swallow some pride here, but doing so can save your relationship. You also have to think about whether or not you trust them now, as well as whether they’re truly remorseful for what they did.
3) Focus on things that make you happy as a couple
Relationships don’t just happen—they need attention, nurturing, and love. When a relationship begins to fall apart, it can be easy to focus on past mistakes or miscommunications, but don’t forget that you have spent time together as well. Focus on what made you happy as a couple and how you got through hard times together.
4) Communicate with your partner
If you want to rebuild trust in your relationship, then communication is key. You can’t do it alone—you need your partner’s participation as well. If there’s an affair in your past, then you may feel uncomfortable talking about everything that happened; if so, know that it isn’t wrong or shameful.
5) Separate your past from your present
If you’ve been unfaithful in a relationship, or if you’re being accused of cheating, it’s imperative that you separate your past from your present. You need to leave any feelings of guilt and embarrassment behind—you can’t begin to rebuild trust with your partner until you do. Think about what mistakes you made and how they affected your relationship; when you make mistakes going forward, be sure that they don’t have similar consequences.
6) Understand that cheating is NOT always about sex
Though most of us think about cheating as purely sexual, people cheat for all sorts of reasons. A man might not feel appreciated by his partner, or perhaps he doesn’t feel like she puts enough effort into their relationship. Whatever your reasons, if you’re trying to rebuild trust after an affair, don’t just focus on sex and relationships.
7) Breaking up doesn’t have to be the first option
Breaking up might seem like an easy way out of your relationship troubles, but it’s important not to jump into anything too quickly. It takes time to sort through how you feel about your partner and what you want from your future together. Take some time alone and try not to communicate with them for awhile before making any decisions about where you stand as a couple.
8) Remember that love grows after infidelity
Relationships that survive an affair usually do so because at least one person is willing to move past it. If you don’t take any action, your relationship might dissolve. It’s up to you whether or not you decide if your relationship has a fighting chance—and whether or not that effort is worth it. And remember, there are some things you can’t fix: infidelity and lying are two of them.
9) Forgive and move on together
If your relationship has experienced infidelity, forgiveness can be tricky. However, according to Joseph Grenny, co-author of The 5 Conversations, You Must Have In a Healthy Relationship, and other top relationship experts, you should forgive but don't forget and move on together. Don't let something small come between two people who love each other deeply. Forgive your significant other and figure out how to move forward as a couple. By doing so, you will strengthen your relationship and make it last longer than ever before.
10) Reflect, learn, grow, forgive, love
When you’re hurt by your partner, it can be difficult not to hold onto that hurt. However, trust is something that needs constant work, and while you can do it on your own, it’s much easier with help from your partner. Here are some strategies for rebuilding trust: Reflect on what went wrong and how you each contributed; learn about empathy and sensitivity; grow together as individuals; forgive one another so you can move forward together; love each other more than ever before.
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